If you aren't good Santa won't bring your presents... If you talk back to me one more time I'll...You just WAIT till your father gets home!It's all about the threat of pain, denial of comfort, leveraging of consequence and withholding of approval. And while there's a growing trend among more enlightened parents to break that habit, it's pretty much a fact of human nature that fear is the default tool for control.
When I was growing up "wait till your father gets home" was pretty much the deal. I've never been open to correction and even as a little boy the threat of a spanking (which was very rare) for the most part didn't move me. I might have even smiled out the side of my face when it happened. The threat of my father's disapproval was marginally more effective. At least it got my attention.
Before we had kids my wife and I talked a lot about how we would discipline. The potential for them inheriting my general defiance and her desire to break the cycle of belt whippings endemic to southern black culture made us very deliberate in our approach. That we wouldn't hit, yell and scream or berate went hand in hand with using adult language instead of baby talk, not being overly protective and letting them learn through failure. We were progressive 21st century parents in the making!
Then our son turned three and I flirted briefly with the power of threat.
I can tell you right now when that discovery happened. We were in the car on the way to some public place and the boy threw an epic tantrum. Unless you have kids you do not understand this tantrum, but every parent knows the one I'm talking about. The details don't matter but the outcome is always the same. It's the tantrum that changes you from naive to seasoned in the course of an hour.
My wife and I looked at each other without speaking and agreed that this was the end of the easy stuff. It's an "oh shit" moment that has the power to inform the rest of your parenting. Some people reach for the belt, or the yell and threaten. Some people try against hope to be calm and use reason. Some people reach for the bottle (of booze).
I reached into that vast expanse of untapped resource known as "my ass" and pulled out a tool so effective I quickly thought better of it. That tool was called The People.
Join me over the unwashed blankie for more.